I chose to go back to the start for my last peer review, and
I’m really glad I did.
I don’t have any ethnic background other than Australian,
but over the past year I’ve been with my partner who is Lebanese. It was
gratifying reading your experience with your definition of “An Australian” compared
to your experiences as a Lebanese women.
I really liked your last line
“Without each community,
Australia would be a little less multicultural and diverse”
This resonated with me looking back onto the unit and how we
have learned so much about the Australian Identity and how that transcends into
literature.
I enjoyed your response to our art gallery visit and what works that
you found challenging/interesting.
I particularly liked how you started in outlining the works that were
depicted, namely – The Gold Rush, Colonial Frontiers of Australia and Early Indigenous
Artworks.
Additionally, I found your favourite works (specifically the Ned Kelly artwork) an interesting choice. Your explanation accompanying it also helped my understanding.
From a readability point of view, the only criticism I could make is
utilising structure to your advantage. Your points would have been even more
impactful if they were structured with paragraphs as well as it would make it
easier on the readers eyes.
CRITICAL – What does A.D. Hope’s poem Australia (written half a century after the 1890s) add to the debate on what is Australia?
Hey Jesse,
This was a very beautifully written piece that conveyed your points in a clear, direct manner. I felt that you felt very strongly about your post which amplified the effect of the text and enhanced my understanding.
I particularly enjoyed the ending in throwing it back onto
your audience to form their opinion after a well laid out argument and analysis.
There was also effective evidence, in which you pointed out examples in the
stanzas, and explained the meaning behind literary techniques.
The only criticism I could point out is from a readability
point of view, implementing paragraphs or spaces between your points would
improve the flow and help the reader.
Which poem or story that we have looked at so far made an impression on you? What was the impression it made? Why did it touch your feelings and imagination?
Hi Dylan,
I enjoyed your piece of writing on “A mid-summer noon in the Australian Forrest”, highlighting how it
made an impression on you. You used strong examples of personification, imagery
and pointing out purposeful adjectives in the text. This showed that not only
did you draw techniques from the text, but understood the themes intertwined
with these literary devices. I
particularly enjoyed how you related it to your childhood and how that comes
full circle for you.
My recommendation for you would be to focus on your
paragraph and sentence structure. Your writing would be even more impactful if
you read it aloud to yourself, to see where sentences may be too long, or a new
paragraph should be started to present a new idea.
An example of your opening sentence could be:
Before
The continuous use of
personification used throughout Charles Harpur’s ‘A mid-summer noon in the
Australian Forrest’ invigorated my imagination through its slumberous pacing,
it presents imagery to my head of a living sun falling asleep as the it lays,
so will the sunlight be nearing nightfall.
After
Charles Harpur’s, ‘A mid-summer noon in the Australian Forrest’, made an impression on me due to its clever techniques such as; personification, imagery and purposeful use of adjectives. Harpur’s slumberous pacing invigorated my imagination, presenting imagery of a living sun falling asleep as it lays.
This is just my opinion as a peer reading your piece in
terms of flow, structure and readability. I look forward to reading more of
your work.
Serena's LitBlog 