Dylan Versola’s Blog 1 – Critical
Which poem or story that we have looked at so far made an impression on you? What was the impression it made? Why did it touch your feelings and imagination?
Hi Dylan,
I enjoyed your piece of writing on “A mid-summer noon in the Australian Forrest”, highlighting how it made an impression on you. You used strong examples of personification, imagery and pointing out purposeful adjectives in the text. This showed that not only did you draw techniques from the text, but understood the themes intertwined with these literary devices. I particularly enjoyed how you related it to your childhood and how that comes full circle for you.
My recommendation for you would be to focus on your paragraph and sentence structure. Your writing would be even more impactful if you read it aloud to yourself, to see where sentences may be too long, or a new paragraph should be started to present a new idea.
An example of your opening sentence could be:
Before
The continuous use of personification used throughout Charles Harpur’s ‘A mid-summer noon in the Australian Forrest’ invigorated my imagination through its slumberous pacing, it presents imagery to my head of a living sun falling asleep as the it lays, so will the sunlight be nearing nightfall.
After
Charles Harpur’s, ‘A mid-summer noon in the Australian Forrest’, made an impression on me due to its clever techniques such as; personification, imagery and purposeful use of adjectives. Harpur’s slumberous pacing invigorated my imagination, presenting imagery of a living sun falling asleep as it lays.
This is just my opinion as a peer reading your piece in terms of flow, structure and readability. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thankyou!
Serena's LitBlog 